Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
