u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
