Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
