He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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