If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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