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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
