I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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