i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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