i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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