Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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