thus making me awesome and them whores
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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