i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
