I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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