i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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