Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
