a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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