Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
