Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
