those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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