there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
