I wish i was in the wii world.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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