I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
