Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
the raccoons are back...
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