apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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