Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
