if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
