Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
