based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
