Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
