you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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