she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
