please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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