Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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