we made out on top of his cat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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