I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it hurts more in the daytime
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
