could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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