Its about making memories worth repressing
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
