Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
God I need to hump something, right now.
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