I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
worst night to have a conscience
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Terrible idea I love it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
