mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just found puke in my bra..
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
