yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
