he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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