This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
