even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
