I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
