He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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