I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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