I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
