what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
