direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
