her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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