You really coming over, don't trick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
