Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
