Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
