I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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